Vascular Dementia: The Journey

Sorry to sound so negative but I'm starting to think that the 'end is nigh' with my poor old Dad. Well, the 'nigh' might not be too far away anyway.

In addition to his Vascular Dementia and Alzheimer's, as mentioned in previous posts, this year Dad has survived pneumonia, a mild stroke and heart surgery. He's been back in hospital today with 'poor kidney function' and an 'enlarged prostate'. Well that explains his needing the loo every half hour. He had over a litre of urine drained from his body. He's suffering, and Mom is falling apart at the seams.

There is a programme on BBC1 at 10.45 pm tomorrow called 'My Granddad, Dementia & Me'
It may be uncomfortable viewing but I'm interested in watching it. It's about a young man following his 79-year-old Grandad's journey into Vascular Dementia. Let's see how this compare's with my 89-year-old dad's journey.

TAVI

It’s been 12 weeks since my last post. Where to begin? Dad had his TAVI (transcatheter aortic valve implantation) in April and he’s made a good recovery. My mom and I have been looking forward to this for so long. In our distorted thinking, we believed that Dad’s dementia would improve.  Of course, it hasn’t – he’s much worse. The operation means that he is no longer struggling to breathe, which is fantastic. However, he is struggling to think, walk, talk and go to the toilet. 

I do at times, have to smile at his behaviour. For instance, he went through a period of getting up early, having breakfast, going back to bed, getting up, having breakfast, back to bed, more breakfast etc. At lunch-time my mom would ask what he wanted to eat and he would respond, “I can’t say I’m hungry”. He was too blumin full of Weetabix, that’s why!  Other times he has got up and put his trousers on over his pyjamas, or put shorts on back to front. Things are much worse now. He’s not capable of getting his own breakfast or making any decisions about what to wear even if they are the wrong way round.  Now Dad frequently has ‘accidents’ so Mom is constantly washing his pants and trousers. She encourages him to wear incontinence pants, which are a Godsend.

 

I took Dad for a walk to the park on Tuesday (to give Mom a break) and it was quite hard going. He clung on to me and needed regular rests on park benches. I go over 2-3 times a week (a 50-mile round trip) but it never feels enough. If I lived nearer, it would be every day and I always feel a terrible guilt that I have to go to work.

Dad will be 90 on 24th August. I feel blessed to still have 2 living parents but oh God, I would not wish this bloody awful dementia on my worst enemy. It’s been heart-breaking to witness Dad losing his mind and Mom (almost) fall apart with stress and anxiety. God knows what will happen if my mom becomes ill but I dare not think about that……

A Very Good Friday

Trevor and I went to a Good Friday service at Church this morning. It's always a solemn occasion.  The minister can't exactly extract humour from the story of a man suffering an excruciating death on the cross. Jesus was a man who at one point felt he had been deserted by his father. I think us post-Jesus people are very lucky.... at least we know that there was a happy ending (or should that be beginning?) 3 days later 😊

This afternoon was a very happy time.  Trevor and I took Mom and Dad out for a Good Friday Fish and Chips lunch in Solihull. Yes, took them OUT! There has been an improvement in Dad's physical health since my last post 2 months ago.  (There was a blip a couple of weeks ago when he suffered a small stroke but he recovered quickly). Though a little doddery, Dad is able to walk without a frame and is no longer housebound. He has gained a little weight too and doesn't resemble a famine victim. More good news is that FINALLY he has been given a date for a new heart valve implant - next Friday! He has a diseased valve which means, without tablets, fluid collects in his lungs and he can't breathe. Even with tablets he struggles to breathe at times, so the new valve will make a massive difference. The procedure isn't without risk, ie. major stroke, heart attack, bleeding and acute kidney failure but let's not think about that and stay positive!

Dad's dementia will not improve. There is no short-term memory and he is unable to think rationally or make decisions. He doesn't remember that he has to go into hospital for an operation. Trevor is brilliant with him though and always manages to ignite memories from the past. Today's subject was cars and Dad managed to list some cars he previously owned.

I hope and pray that my father's mind will not desert those he loves and that there will be a happy ending to next week's operation. A x

Zimmer down now.....

Dad seemed ever-so-slightly better today... a bit more lucid and strong.  He can't get to the loo without a walker/zimmer frame but at least he's not incontinent now - yay! Fingers crossed all goes well with the heart consultant tomorrow.....

Hospital

I watched a great documentary on Wednesday, called "Hospital" and this week, episode 5, featured a 98-year-old who had a TAVI (transcatheter aortic valve implantation) This guy was the oldest to have the procedure... he had a stroke during the op but recovered.
The TAVI is exactly what's recommended for my 89-year-old dad, Eric.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b08dxcgd/hospital-episode-5

Dad has an appointment booked on Monday at the QE Hospital in Birmingham to discuss this TAVI procedure. I hope that he is fit enough to go through with it. He has lost over 2 stones (around 30 pounds) and now weighs 8 stones 10 lbs. Mom is encouraging him to eat high-carb/fat food to put the weight back on.

I visited my mom and dad on Monday and Thursday this week and thought that's Dad's dementia seemed very much worse... it was quite shocking really. Just a few weeks ago he was frail but able to wash, shower and pop to the shops to get a newspaper. Now he is housebound and can only walk with a frame.  He stopped his "pompey pom" tuneless singing and replaced it with nothing. Absolutely zilch. Silence.

Quando Quando Quando

Quando Quando Quando - when when when?

To be honest, the last 7 days have been hell on earth for my mom and dad but I don't want this blog to always be so depressing.  Over 3 million people have seen the lovely video of Teddy Mac, a dementia sufferer, singing Quando Quando Quando and let it continue to bring a smile to our faces 😄

I drove my dad home from hospital on Monday.  He was still recovering from pneumonia and nowhere near ready to leave but the hospital needed the bed I suppose. On Thursday he developed an all-over-body rash. The GP came and said it was an allergy and prescribed more medication to add to the mountain of pills. Dad has also become incontinent and my mom is utterly exhausted with all the changing of underwear, sheets, etc.  She's nearly 82 years old and is on the verge of a breakdown 😢 I would DEARLY love to give up work and care for both of my parents but I can't afford not to work.  I'm juggling 4 jobs and feel so guilty all the time that I'm not there 24/7. Oh, what to do....?

Today, my mom rang 111 (the NHS emergency and urgency services number) to say she couldn't cope with Dad and a senior nurse said that she would contact Social Services.  Let's see what happens. Dad has worsening dementia, is thin, weak and skeletal and in desperate need of this new heart valve.... WHEN WHEN WHEN?

https://youtu.be/9UQ5mjFzHTA

Ps. I have a stinking cold and am unable able to visit this weekend for fear of spreading germs.  My brother and his wife have the 'flu so Mom and Dad are very much on their own. Hoping they can hang in there!

Apple Trees

My husband Trevor and I visited Dad in hospital today. Dad is recovering from pneumonia and doing remarkably well but his dementia will not improve.  Occasionally it will hide behind a mask of lucidity and he is so normal I want to cry with thankfulness. However today was a mixture of understanding and confusion. He looked weak, thin and vulnerable.  He is not the strong father I remember from years ago. Not the father who used to repair the roof, rewire the house, build furniture, tend to the garden, take me fishing in the summer and sledging in the winter snow. Not the father who taught me mathematics, helped with history projects and proof-read English essays. He is not the father who took me elderberry picking to make home-made wine or helped me climb our apple tree. Beautiful memories! These times are long gone and my father is now just a shell of the man he once was. In my mind though he will always be my hero and I love him x

Pneumonia

Poor old Dad... no wonder he feels so poorly - he's got pneumonia. Mind you, he's taken a turn for the better today. I visited him yesterday and he was very repetitive and unaware of any recent events.  However, today, my mom said that he was quite chatty - she said it was like his dementia had been put to one side. I hope his lucidity will stay with him tomorrow.....

In Hospital

Poor old Dad was admitted to hospital with breathing problems in the early hours of Sunday morning.  He's been waiting a while now for an operation for a new heart valve and it's getting more and more urgent. Now he's developed a urine infection so I suppose they'll have to wait until he's recovered from that before operating.  He's so confused and doesn't understand why he's in hospital.  My mom and brother spent the afternoon with him today and when they said they were leaving, he thought he could go home with them.  Lordy me, parents are a worry..... 

Hobos and Hippies



Mom and Dad used to be involved with the Solihull Amateur Winemakers Circle in the 1960s/70s.  I don't think it exists any more, which is a shame because it was a lot of fun! There were often fancy dress events and this was a Hobos and Hippies evening.  Dad is the chap in the denim jeans and waistcoat and that's my mom next to him in the red top and spotty skirt! I guess Dad would have been in his late 40s and he's now nearly 90!

 

I visited my parents on Thursday and Dad seemed a bit more confused.  He's got this habit now of walking around singing tuneless "pompy pom pom pomp pom pom" notes.  Goodness knows what that's all about!



 

                                                                                                  

1940s Remembered......

Today was a good day with my dad, Eric.  Just before Christmas I bought him a book about life in the 1940s.  When I mentioned the book, Dad had no recollection of me giving it to him but when my husband Trevor and I started showing him the pages, it conjured up many memories.

 

Dad knew immediately that the above picture was the work of British cartoonist, Fougasse (real name: Cyril Kenneth Bird).  I definitely recommend the book, available from Amazon.

 

 



My dad, Eric

My dad Eric, aged 89, was diagnosed with "mixed dementia" in June 2016. He has Vascular Dementia and Alzheimer's Disease.  If someone had told me a year ago this is what would happen to him, I would have been very surprised.  He's always been so incredibly fit and mentally alert. Something 'just happened' under a year ago.  He stopped joining in with conversation and responding to questions.  To be honest, I thought  he was going a bit deaf and am shocked by the results of memory tests.  It has been very hard on my mom, Pauline, aged 81.  Dad has always been in control of everything and now Mom is in the position of Carer, not Wife.
Dad is fine with routine things... he can wash, go to the toilet, eat and remember the immediate family....actually that's about it. He can no longer think, make decisions or help with household chores.  He cannot remember how to record programmes, use a mobile phone or sort out any kind of paperwork. My heart is breaking and if anyone can offer comfort or help, please do. I'm too emotional to write any more.....

PEA PRESSURE

 

Occasionally, my husband Trevor and I are called upon to cook breakfasts and lunches at the Coventry Methodist Central Hall. The regular chef, Steve, has super-human powers.... he must have, to cope with the pressure of the long line of orders. Due to a dodgy ankle, Steve was unable to work today so Trev and I responded to a cry for help and went to the front line to face the enemy... the army of customers with their orders of breakfasts, double breakfasts, fish and chips, jacket potatoes, baguettes, batches and everything with chips, chips, more chips and frigging peas. For some reason I have an aversion to frozen peas. I hate the fact that they are cold to the touch but when microwaved, they are so bloody hot, the bowls of them take the skin off my fingers. Burnt fingers I can cope with but my husband shouting "PEAS, HAVE YOU DONE THE PEAS!" every 2 bleeding minutes makes me want to stick every scalding pea down his underpants. I've so far managed to resist the temptation but how long before I succumb to this PEA..er pressure..?

Coventry Half-Marathon 2015

After a break from blogging for nearly 5 years, I'm back!

 

What better than to start with telling you about our race in the Coventry Half Marathon on 1st March?

 

Having nearly run ourselves to death in 2009, Trevor and I gave up distance running. We ain't exactly youngsters you know!  However, we recently took our running shoes out of retirement to help raise funds for Pawprints Dog Rescue (Rugby). (Just in case you have a few quid to spare, please visit our fundraising page here. I know I'm cheeky but it's worth asking!)

 



Trevor, just before the run.

....and little old me.  Brrrr, it was a chilly morning.

I finished the race in 2 hours 23 minutes and Trevor strolled in 14 minutes after me at 2 hours 37 mins. We stayed together until the 11-mile mark then Trevor took it more slowly.

The finishers medal is lovely!





Two Shakespeares and a Funeral

Is it really 3 months since my last blog post? Yes (she says sheepishly) I'm afraid it is!

I will start with the funeral (on 31st March) and the shock and sadness felt at the death of one of my fellow cast members from Rugby Theatre's "Gaslight". Barbara Finch who played the housekeeper, passed away just a month after our last performance in February. Aged 69 but looking much younger, Barbara appeared so full of life and zest. It feels such an honour that she spent her last few weeks of life within the happy family of the Gaslight cast and crew. RIP Barbara x

Barbara Finch as Elizabeth (left) in Gaslight

Following my guest appearance on BBC Radio Coventry & Warwickshire on 'National No Smoking Day' on 10th March I was invited back to the station's "Coffee Club" on 5th April, presented by the lovely Annie Othen. It is a bit like a radio version of ITV's "Loose Women", a very relaxed hour of chit-chat with three other women. On the agenda were finance, camping, football, cycling, holidays and skinny people. I returned to the station a couple of weeks later for "My Song", a 5-minute slot to tell listeners the story behind a significant song in my life, which was "Hello" by Lionel Richie".

In May, I attended an audition in Birmingham for an acting company. Following 3 hours of improvisation, fun and frolics (not cockney rhyming slang, I hasten to add) I made it into their books! Just waiting for the phone to ring.....

Also in May, I went, for the first time, to Shakespeare's Globe Theatre in London to see "Macbeth". It was a brilliant afternoon's entertainment and I can't remember having ever applauded so enthusiastically at the end of a performance. The whole cast was talented, but I particularly liked the 'Weird Sisters' and the 'Porter' (keeper of Macbeth's castle) skilfully and humorously played by Frank Scantori. He took great pleasure in throwing buckets of wee into the 'groundlings' who were the standing audience, many who stood under a large canopy with their heads peeping through.They represented the lost souls in Hell - utterly fantastic! Coincidentally, Frank Scantori was also one of the leading actors in the film 'Room 36' reviewed in my last blog post.

Outside Shakespeare's Globe Theatre in London

Frank Scantori as the Porter

The following day I did something I vowed a few years ago I would never do again... I worked as a TV 'Extra'. I'm a really easy-going person but past experiences of being herded about like cattle truly put me off! However, the opportunity arose to work in 'Midsomer Murders' in Henley-on-Thames, and offered a lift by a fellow Equity member, I agreed. As it happened, I was grouped (as a garden party guest) with a couple of very funny guys who looked after me all day. If Tony and Pete ever read this, thank you! During lunch we got lumbered with another chap who I nicknamed 'Duracell' because he went on and on, talking incessantly about when he appeared in Robin Hood with Russell Crowe (yawn). He carried on talking about Russell whilst eating greasy tomato pasta and never once paused to chew properly. Looking into the depths of his orange glistening mouth, I struggled to eat my own lunch! We managed to escape Duracell thankfully but we were full of sympathy for his other victims, who no doubt were tempted to gnaw off their own fingers in boredom. There is a limit to how much time one is prepared to hear about Russell Crowe and Robin bl***y Hood! I bet Duracell's teeth are happy when he's asleep.

A couple of weeks later in June, one of the nice funny chaps, Tony and his very pretty wife, Helen performed in an outdoor production of Shakespeare's 'Twelfth Night'. Trevor and I did a 180-mile round trip to see it and it was worth every mile to see this charming performance with a glorious backdrop in Beaconsfield, Buckinghamshire.

Malvolio and Sir Toby Belch (Tony)

What else? Well, we've just returned from a pleasant 3 days in Devon, visiting family and friends in Torquay, Dartmoor, Plymouth and Teignmouth. Back to work... bye for now x

Taken on Teignmouth Pier

Room 36

I watched this rather unusual film the other night. I'm not a film buff and don't know if Room 36 is widely known. If not, then it certainly is deserving of recognition.

Room 36 has been described as a film noir, a horror, a comedy and a farce and it is indeed all of these things. Imagine a black and white Brian Rix farce with lots of blood and a few 'f'words.

Amongst the blood and gore it has some great comic moments. I particularly liked Paul Herzberg as the tidy-obsessive hitman and Frank Scantori as the large, naughty underwear salesman.

Cursed from the beginning, it took 11 years to make Room 36, causing problems with continuation, ie. aging actors! There is a heartwarming documentary which accompanies the film - telling a tale of sheer determination of director/writer Jim Groom to complete the project.

Visit www.room36movie.com for more information and a synopsis.

Other news:

It's my 50th birthday this summer and a few years ago, Trevor and I planned to celebrate it in the USA. We hadn't known then, of course, that we'd be flat broke in 2010. This year I resigned myself to inviting family members over for a glass of pop and a sandwich.

Well there's no need for me to butter any bread because my fantastic parents have bought us a week's holiday to Jersey in the Channel Islands! I lived there for a couple of years in the 1980's and have always longed to return. We'll be staying in a hotel - I hope we're not in Room 36.

National No Smoking Day - 10th March 2010

I wrote a blog article last June about how I gave up smoking in 2004. This article was picked up recently by a producer at the BBC Coventry & Warwickshire radio station. She invited me to go into the studios on 'National No Smoking Day' (yesterday,10th March) for a live interview with the morning presenter, Annie Othen.

The programme is available to listen to on BBC iPlayer, only for about a week I think, if anyone is interested,

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p006qwgt/Annie_Othen_10_03_2010/

I'm on air 8 minutes 45 seconds into the programme until 26 minutes 51 seconds. Annie Othen is such a lovely, interesting person you may want to listen to all of her programme!

Making a Drama out of a Crisis

Gaslight

Playing Bella Manningham at the Rugby Theatre 6-13 February was a tremendous experience. After a 7-year break from stage acting, it was good to tread the boards again. Here is a small selection of photos from the 90 or so that were taken during 2 dress rehearsals.

I don't know about my performance but that wig deserved a standing ovation. it managed to stay on, in spite of me throwing myself around the stage! I called it 'Fido' and fed it twice a day.












Moving wallpaper - or furniture anyway

Referring to my last blog post on 21st February - the crisis is over. It sounds over-dramatic I know, but a few weeks ago I thought I'd never feel happy again. Business was slow in 2009, resulting in mounting debts and the need to drastically reduce our monthly outgoings. We made enquiries to let our house and before we knew it, it was advertised and snapped up with tenants wanting to move in within 2 weeks! We weren't in a financial position to turn it down and it meant we had to find somewhere else much cheaper to live, and find it quickly. As luck would have it, a flat was available to rent in the same road, just 65 yards away at an affordable price. Extremely lucky, you might be thinking, and you'd be right, the flat is fabulous BUT... no dogs allowed! If we'd had time to consider it all properly we would NEVER have parted with our 2 gorgeous little dogs, but we had to make an urgent decision, so the dogs went. Trevor, my daughter Lucy and I never expected it to be as painful as it was and we all cried buckets for days after we gave them to another family.

However, just over a week ago, we contacted the family and they agreed to us taking the dogs out for a few hours. It was lovely but when we returned them, the pooches seemed so pleased to be back with their new family, we accepted they aren't ours any more and it was time to let go. Crisis over and happy times have returned :)

Moving On...

It's been a manic few weeks.

We find ourselves in reduced financial circumstances. We have let our house and are renting a flat over the road....moving today.

Our 2 dogs were given to another family on Tuesday, which has been traumatic for all of us......

"Gaslight" went well... more about that and photos in a future post.

We will have no internet access until 1st March.

XX

Gaslight

Well, here we are, 5 days until Christmas and I'm 2 weeks into rehearsal of "Gaslight". Click here for a synopsis.

Despite initial nerves, I found the first week enjoyable. The other actors are talented and easy to get along with. There is Keith, who plays my deranged manipulative husband, Mr Manningham; Howard is the kindly, efficient and delightfully eccentric retired Inspector Rough; Barbara plays a kind and helpful servant and Rebecca is a flirty and impudent teenage servant. In charge of us all is Steve, impressively making his debut as a director.

Friday 8th January 2010:
Postscript: I have deleted the second half of this post and all comments, but will endeavour to post news and photos, as soon as I get some time!